…to get drunk off your ass.

It’s officially Xmas eve people! Hurrah! This week is almost over. I’m staying away from every major shopping area I know because I refuse to deal with hurried masses freaking out because they gotta get those last few gifts for whoever RIGHT NOW!

You know Walgreens is going to have 20 people in line with shake weights and snuggies tightly clutched in their grasp right? See’s Candies is gonna sell out of all the good chocolate, Old Navy is going to have shirts and pants tossed wherever, H&M will be a mad house, and everyone will be looking for a gift wrap service or trying to wrap their gifts with the wrong tape and miscut wrapping paper. 

All this muss and fuss… to give gifts you can’t afford to people you marginally like and friends you love. I dunno, I love the spirit of Christmas, but i’m not a big big fan of the retail blood lust it inspires.

This is the first year in around 10 that I i’m not working on Christmas Eve or Day. Yes, 10 years straight of working in corporate retail environments where at least half of your Xmas eve was mandatory. Years of listening from a distance as people who waited until the last possible minute cussed a CS rep because their package said out for delivery, but hasn’t arrived. Or they wanna buy today and have it delivered Xmas day, and they would not take “that’s not an option” as an answer. Or they just want to call and belittle someone over the phone to make themselves feel better. Whateva… just unnecessary foolishness… 

It’s odd to me that many people who claim to buy into the holiday spirit of the season will cuss, fuss and fight over material items in the name of the season. Get over yourselves! 

And honestly, if you loved your mother/wife/sister/husband/brother/trainer so damn much, you wouldn’t have waited until 11 AM on Christmas Eve to get their damn gift. Personally, i’m such a cheapskate i’d rather have gift cards so I can shop after Xmas and get what I want at 50-80% off. 

Online. Because I hate visiting retail stores after the holidays. People can’t digest their friends/families cooking and so they walk up and down the aisles passing toxic funnel cloud farts with reckless abandon. I don’t need to smell your corroded colon essence while checking out boots at DSW. Ew.

For those that shop like me, i’m putting together a blog post for later with what I believe are great sale deals to check out for after Xmas sales. Pass along any suggestions you might have!

Love, peace and merlot